A bit of Advice
[A bit of Advice (what a long term donor would like you to think about) by Cheri Lbw, originally posted in Dark Angels Of Mercy] I will never forget the night my friend told me he was a vampire and asked me to be his donor.
We had gone to a movie, and I had asked him about his declining health. It brings a smile to my face now, looking back on how nervous he was acting. We had been close friends for many years, and I thought I knew everything about him. He finally just blurted it out, and at first I am ashamed to say, I laughed about it and thought he was joking. He was not, and after a very long discussion where he filled me in on what a real vampire was, he then asked if I would be willing to donate to him just till he found a new donor. I never hesitated, I loved him as a friend and I had seen his health getting worse. I knew that the person he said had been his donor , had moved away not long before my friend started getting sick. It was not hard to make the choice to at least try it, and if it helped him we would discuss it more. I fed him that night for the first time in what became a very long term donor/vampire relationship.
That first donation led to my learning about real vampires, the need for clean safe donors within the vampire community, and to me being a donor for many other vampires over the years. I have seen and done many things as a donor that looking back on them, were foolish or simply stupid. I also have formed friendships that will last a lifetime.
I was recently asked what advice I would give to person considering becoming a donor and what mistakes would I wish to spare them as they learn and grow as donors?
The mistakes that one makes as they go through life help shape and form the person they become. I would not be the person I am today without the sum of all of my life experiences including those I have from being a donor. But I can hope that some of my more stupid mistakes can be avoided by those that come after me.
The biggest mistakes are made by both donors and vampires, when they allow either emotions or the need to feed to rule over their common smarts. Always avoid making a snap decision about donating. It is something that should only be done after frank discussion and serious consideration.
When considering becoming a donor to any type of vampire, you need to give serious thought to just what it is you wish to get out of doing so. For some donors it is the relief they get from an over abundance of their own personal energy. For some it is simply the joy they get from helping someone they care about. The reasons people choose to become a donor are as varied as the number of people donating. There truly are no wrong answers to the question of why, but there are some reasons that should make you stop and learn more about it before ever contacting that first vampire.
If you are wanting to donate because you watched the latest vampire movie, or read the newest book, and hope to meet vampires that are like those in the movie… well you will be disappointed. If you are looking for a vampire to “turn” you into a vampire, again – not going to happen. You will not suddenly become “bonded” to your vampire, or “tied to them forever”. Yes many vampires become very close to their donors, but that is a choice they make. Some vampires and donors become involved in romantic relationships, but you are not going to suddenly gain their love simply by becoming their donor. Many young people (sorry girls, but you are the worst about it) come into the vampire community as potential donors based on a need to find acceptance and perceived self worth. They come seeking the fictional image of the super human vampire of their dreams. When they do not find this, most simply leave the community and seek their fantasy in some other place, but the few that do stay, learn, grow – and some even actually become donors.
Another common thing I see in prospective donors is not giving serious consideration to how being a donor is going to effect the rest of the relationships in their lives. They never seem to first ask themselves a few simple questions.
If you are in a relationship already, will you tell your partner you are donating? If yes, then what are the boundaries you need to set with your vampire to maintain your current partnership? Can you stick to those boundaries regardless of how persuasive the argument to cross them may be?
While the donor /vampire relationship is often nothing even close to sexual, it can be and often is very intimate. You need to know how your partner is going to react to you becoming that close to another person. You also need to be prepared for your own physical response to the act of feeding. It is all well and good to say you will not feel any desire for your vampire during feeding, but you should know just how you will deal with it if either of you do have those feelings when the time comes.
If you do not plan on informing your current partner about your donating, well I see this as a potential cause for great harm to your relationship. If you are donating to a psi that has a hands-off approach or to a sang that uses non direct feeding methods, then it may not ever cause an issue. But you need to still consider just how your partner is going to react if they find you in what to them is a compromising position with another person.
The last big issue I see as something that so few new donors think about, is the emotional effect of donating, and how it may effect their own emotional health. Everyone thinks about the physical scars and marks that can occur, depending on the type of feeding, but few seriously think about the emotional side.
Donating is giving a portion of yourself to another living person. It brings you close to their lives and puts you into a position where their very health and welfare is partly in your hands.
Vampires are human, they have the same problems as the rest of the world as well as those problems unique to being a vampire. You become an important part of their health-team so to speak. There will be times when for your own health and well being, you have to say ‘no‘ about donating to them. It is a reality of being a donor that these times will come up. You will also most likely be asked to keep this vampire’s secret. This puts a strain on the donor in having to color all their actions with the vampire as something other then feeding to those on the outside. In all it can become very stressful both physically and mentally so have a good idea of how you will deal with that stress.
Being a donor has been a very rewarding experience in my life, one I intend to continue for many years ahead. I have formed friendships that will last a lifetime and maybe even beyond with some of those I have donated to. It has put me in contact with people that I am able to learn from and have some very heated debates with. In all, donating has become a great and fulfilling part of my life. Yet even with all that donating has brought to my life, I know that if I were to stop being a donor today, I would still be the same person I am today.
That would be my last big piece of advice to those considering becoming a donor… never let it become your entire life. Be strong and happy with who you are outside of being a donor.